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sydney
08 December 2015 @ 12:05 am
thought this was some cheesy ass shit when i last tried it a while ago but now i'm SO into it it's embarrassing.

"The story of human intimacy is one of constantly allowing ourselves to see those we love most deeply in a new, more fractured light. Risk that."

! might be golden, steaming hot off the presses, truth flavored shit, but golden nonetheless.
 
 
sydney
12 March 2014 @ 02:51 am
That shadow would marry this shadow
seal the wound in the whiteness
erase the traces of newness

I took a deep breath and listened
to the old brag of my heart

I am, I am, I am.

Leafing blindly in the asylum library
flamboyant as my plans
something old, something new

Eyes I thought I had
recognized over white masks
guiding myself
by them, as by
a magical thread.

(Rearranged fragments from The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath)
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sydney
28 August 2013 @ 01:13 am
 
 
sydney
22 June 2013 @ 03:04 am
"I crawled out the window and ran into the woods.
I had to make up all the words myself. The way
they taste, the way they sound in the air. I passed
through the narrow gate, stumbled in, stumbled
around for a while, and stumbled back out. I made
this place for you. A place for to love me.
If this isn’t a kingdom then I don’t know what is."

- Snow and Dirty Rain, Richard Siken
 
 
sydney
08 June 2013 @ 11:54 am
"...there were tons of relationships that I should have ended where instead I said, “Do you want to stay? You can stay if you want.” Nobody ever goes, “You need to go.” That rarely happens. It’s always ugly, and somebody stays a little too long."

- Patrick Wilson, on Girls

http://www.vulture.com/2013/02/patrick-wilson-girls-interview.html
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sydney
09 March 2013 @ 02:47 am
Nights and Days

The stars will come out over and over
the hyacinths rise like flames
from the windswept turf down the middle of upper Broadway
where the desolate take the sun
the days will run together and stream into years
as the rivers freeze and burn
and I ask myself and you, which of our visions will claim us
which will we claim
how will we go on living
how will we touch, what will we know
what will we say to each other

Pictures form and dissolve in my head:
we are walking in a city
you fled, came back to and come back to still
which I saw once through winter frost
years back, before I knew you,
before I knew myself.
We are walking streets you have by heart from childhood
streets you have graven and erased in dreams:
scrolled portals, trees, nineteenth-century statues.
We are holding hands so I can see
everything as you see it
I follow you into your dreams
your past, the places
none of us can explain to anyone.

We are standing in the wind
on an empty beach, the onslaught of the surf
tells me Point Reyes, or maybe some northern
Pacific shoreline neither of us has seen.
In its fine spectral mist our hair
is grey as the sea
someone who saw us far-off would say we were two old women
Norns, perhaps, or sisters of the spray
but our breasts are beginning to sing together
your eyes are on my mouth

I wake early in the morning
in a bed we have shared for years
lie watching the innocent, sacred sleep
as if for the first time.
We have been together so many nights and days
this day is not unusual.
I walk to an eastern window, pull up the blinds:
the city around us is still
on a clear October morning
weapped in her indestructible light.

The stars will come out over and over
the hyacinths rise like flames
from the windswept turf down the middle of upper Broadway
where the desolate take the sun
the days will run together and stream into years
as the rivers freeze and burn
and I ask myself and you, which of our visions will claim us
which will we claim
how will we go on living
how will we touch, what will we know
what will we say to each other.

- Adrienne Rich, 1976, from Dream of a Common Language
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sydney
03 January 2013 @ 03:08 am


Marilyn Monroe, 1956
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sydney
30 December 2012 @ 05:10 pm
"Frida Kahlo to Marty McConnell"
Marty McConnell

leaving is not enough; you must
stay gone. train your heart
like a dog. change the locks
even on the house he’s never
visited. you lucky, lucky girl.
you have an apartment
just your size. a bathtub
full of tea. a heart the size
of Arizona, but not nearly
so arid. don’t wish away
your cracked past, your
crooked toes, your problems
are papier mache puppets
you made or bought because the vendor
at the market was so compelling you just
had to have them. you had to have him.
and you did. and now you pull down
the bridge between your houses,
you make him call before
he visits, you take a lover
for granted, you take
a lover who looks at you
like maybe you are magic. make
the first bottle you consume
in this place a relic. place it
on whatever altar you fashion
with a knife and five cranberries.
don’t lose too much weight.
stupid girls are always trying
to disappear as revenge. and you
are not stupid. you loved a man
with more hands than a parade
of beggars, and here you stand. heart
like a four-poster bed. heart like a canvas.
heart leaking something so strong
they can smell it in the street.
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sydney
16 November 2012 @ 10:36 pm
so this summer i made an EP. fall is almost over but for what it's worth, here it is:
http://tallmountains.bandcamp.com/

it is quite beautiful and i can't believe that people are buying the songs i wrote and the music i made and my dad said he was proud of me which is really all you need out of life sometimes, ya know? especially when i don't see this guy much anymore, ya know?

i really don't post in here much anymore because life is kind of already too much for me to handle without exploding at the seams. but last thing: i just wanted to write down for myself that i shouldn't be with anyone who doesn't want to even say they love me back. and that i should feel more used and more indignant at that, and that i should really leave and never go back no matter how content i am just doing nice things for someone whom i know will never so much reciprocate with even a thought.

peace.
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sydney
09 September 2012 @ 11:48 pm


and then when she gets upset tell her that you never meant to hurt no one

i wrote a sad song with weird chord changes and with lyrics involving some really obvious animal metaphors. but sometimes all you need is a pop song.